LMAO!!!

Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain Rosi welcomingboth seated and standing passengers on board of Air Deccan.We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to badweather and partly due to the search for a missing tyre.
This is flight 717 to Mumbai. Landing there is not guaranteed, but wewill End up somewhere in India. And, if luck is in our favor, we mayeven be landing on your village!
Air Deccan has an excellent safety-record. In fact, our safety standardsare so high, that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us! It is withpleasure; I announce that, starting this year, over 30% of ourPassengers have reached their destination.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we canarrange to turn them off. To make your free fall to earth pleasant andmemorable, we serve Complimentary Chai and Wada pavw. For ournot-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help youfind out if there really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shownas we forgot to record it from the television. However, for our moviebuffs, we will be flying right next to Kingfisher Airline, where theirmovie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in theCabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slowdown!
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close aspossible. For the best view , if however, we go a little too close, dolet us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through thelandmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off andfasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can't find a seat-belt,kindly Fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And, for those ofyou who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with astewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suit