Its 4:05AM. I have a test in under four hours, my second last at tech, and I haven't learnt how to enjoy them. I'm in the library, tired, braindead. I need to look away. Its the tea break in the match. So I'm writing this. Argh.

Its been 10 yrs !!!?

Finding your own little heaven..

I woke up this morning with a beautiful thought. There were flashes from that evening at the end of the summer in California. It was a beautiful evening, but we were frustrated from not being able to go on the much famed '17 mile drive' as it was closed just that particular day. We drove along Sunset drive and then paced up and down the streets of downtown Carmel, which had this authentic european feel to it.

It was a random 'turn right' decision that took us to what I now call "my little heaven"... I had never seen such a breathtaking sight at the end of a road. The road ended where the beach began. We had reached "Carmel by the sea"... it really did seem like the far end of earth.



This really was the kind of place I wanted to be in with her.. the ocean without the clamour of the Santa Cruz beach. This was far more pristine.. crashing waves, white sand, scattered people, a couple on their bikes, a lady with her dog, another with her new-born. It was easily the most beautiful sunset I had seen. There's no way I can describe it, but it was like the sun was slowly but surely resigning itself into the ocean, leaving behind a colorful sky and a beautiful evening to cherish. The only indication of time would be the very apparent falling of the sun, otherwise it was all pretty much standstill.

Somehow, I thought to myself.. we're surely gonna return to this place someday. It holds a special place for me, creates a serene thought.. I think of how we just sat there talking about the past, the future, and talking nothing at all. I've always kept looking for my little heaven... something that brings about this calmness when I think of it. It didn't even have to be a place.. it used to be 'the saturday', then 'nowhere', and then this.. I'm sure we all have own little heaven.. its just about realising it when we get there, and then cherishing it for the time to come..

I wish there was a better way to thank the stranger who clicked this for us..

A sudden melancholy

It's that weird time again. Even when there's nothing apparently wrong, an irritatingly conspicuous feeling of morosity seems to have crept into me. For no reason. At all.

I haven't studied at all this sem, so I cant complain that my school is getting be depressed. If anything, I'm having a whale of a time at school. Its at times like these that I start thinking unnecessarily deep things. I feel I've change in some now-noticable ways. I've gone from someone who treasured his few deep relationships to someone who maintains a lot of shallow ones, which is not bad either.. its just that I miss being able to connect to someone whom I could really talk to, about just anything under the sun.. someone who'd listen me out too, without judging me or ridiculing me for my thoughts.

A depressing house, a seemingly never-ending long distance relationship, a dear friend who's just about being there, the anxiety of a job hunt, a lousy job that I do only to continue paying off my rent... these are really the only things I've been thinking about all day.

Its hard to smile through tough days sometimes.

Culture.. religion and the sorts

I got to know some Indians even in this jungle... thank god for cricket. My first impression of them was of a bunch of confused undergrads or ABCDs.. the usual, caught between cultures types, checkin out random babes while still listening to Penn Masala.

However some things changed that impression this last weekend. After our game, we went to one of the guys' place, the only non-student in the lot.. he cooked for us n stuff too. What then happened had really got me thinking. They shared all the work.. there was no dining table.. so two guys set up the place in the hall for everyone to sit around and eat, 2 others helped the "cook".. everyone settled around on the floor to eat.. and then they got into a prayer, the one that they recite before eating. For a moment I did feel ashamed I must admit as I was probably the only one who didn't know the prayer, and I was the last one to have come here from India. Ofcourse the next moment I consoled myself by the fact that I was not a religious person, and that I had a whole different set of values and beliefs, that I never prayed.

Looking away from myself, I moved my focus back on them... I still thought they were a confused bunch, but I now realised they weren't entirely lost. I've been to the homes of two of the guys, both houses welcome you with the Indian flag proudly displayed in the living room, though this was something even I had always wanted.

We ate over conversations about the things they did together, and how happy they were where they were. Once we were done, the group once again segregated, with each one taking on a role.. cleaning up, trashing, rearranging. I was told that if we had not used the plastics plates, one of them would even do the dishes.

They lived about 5min from each other.. so a really close-knit group. They had converted the lone Marathi also to Gujju-ism. I asked them if they ever thought about moving to a big city like NY or LA or ATL.. I didn't get a single yes. They were all so happy where they were, countryside Nashville. One guy explained to me that its all the same once you have friends where you are, the place doesn't matter. I couldn't agree more. I'd much rather be in Atlanta where I know people than be in a larger, grander NY where I know nobody. But then again, in a place like NY,it really doesnt take much to get to know people, so I'd get used to that in no time at all, so it shouldnt really matter. Then I guess its only about the depth of your relationships. Can that really keep you moving on?

I rode along with the group as we went bowling n just driving.. nothing to me suggested anyone wanted to leave all of this behind.. but who knows where their jobs would take them.

So maybe the size of this particular group wasn't large enough.. the demographics weren't too varied.. they were all gujjus.. known to be the more religiously conscious among Indians.. but looking at them.. I just thought.. do Indian parents here go that extra mile in bringing up their kids, afraid that this culture may corrupt them, that they end up raising them to be far more religion and culture conscious than most Indian kids? I know my aunt drives 40miles twice a week just to take her kid to a classical music class, the classes in every galli-nukkad of India are so scarcely populated, but I also wonder how long would their upbringing help them? What will happen when alcohol enters their lives? Would they begin to lose it? Would they take the songs about guns and gangs way too seriously?

Two guys from the group had been to this religious camp last week at the University of Texas at Austin. They told stories about how people just like them had been reduced to tears by the story of Abhimanyu. They were still sporting the spiked hair and loose shorts, but they had the tilak. All this makes me wonder.. will they just change, or will they hold?

As for me, I've come to believe that people like me just somehow grow way more patriotic after coming here, something that I don't understand. We're pretty much traitors to our country, yet we feel more proud of it now when we're away from it. We wanna go to India.. but just for a holiday. We're too afraid of the discomforts. We've traded a lot for comforts.

I go to bed listenin to a meaningless, yet famous song "This is why I'm hot".. but I'm gonna wake up at a crazy hour to see Sachin bat. Am I any different? I wonder..

Everybody loves Raymond..

Why can't lives of real people be like that of Raymond? He has legendary fights with his wife, the kinds that could end marriages, and yet, somehow, they're all real funny, helped by those background laughs. I think putting those fake background laughs in real people's lives could make their fights funny too.

Isn't it amazing that no matter how bad his fights get, they're still always settled inside those half hour episodes? They somehow always kiss and make up, or.. atleast kiss anyway.

Now I dont wanna be someone who gets jacked over and over and over by his wife, mom, dad, brother and whoever else crosses his path.. but I sure want things to end on a high note in every episode of my life. It sometimes reminds me of a thing that my dad once told me, that just stuck. After one of those wars with my sis, when we were both mighty upset, he came up to me and said "Finish all your fights by midnight each day.. don't carry them into the next day." It seemed to work almost everytime I consciously tried to settle things before the day ended. But soon I stopped trying cos people were either too pissed off all the time, or I found myself apologizing way too often of things that I thought were not my fault, and that probably wasn't good for my ego. But anyway, I'm sure I'd be more peaceful if I had kept doing that, eventually people would've realised what was going on.

Anyway, I wish I can get back to where I can see the funny side of everything, play those background laughs in my head to help me maybe, maybe talk funny things inside my head like those guys do in scrubs, ..simply cos I prefer being funny than being mad. Somehow, I'd just like to end each episode on a high.
"Life's too short to be pissed off all the time"

I miss a friend(?), who almost seems a very old friend now. I miss how I spoke about almost anything with her, how I could be stupid when I wanted, without worrying if I was wasting what could be "quality time. "
A lot of things would seem fake in retrospect, but a lot things really were not.. fake. As I thought about some really testing times, which again I'm sure would seem affected, I couldn't believe how much I really had blown away. It really doesn't seem to make sense suddenly, and so I force myself into thinking about the bad parts of it just to convince myself that it was ok to blow it away. But really, it wasn't. It costed me way more than just one very good friend. I wont even go into the loser's world of "If I had another chance, I'd do things differently... "

Talking about "old friends", now I've had some truly great friendships back home in Hyderabad. But I've realised.. they're just not like me. I am close to only a few people, but I really hold tight to them, they're for the keeps, they're not just people who where at the same place and time as me. Also I believe friends are people who know the current you, not someone whom you made your "best friend" in 6th grade and never talked to him after 8th grade. My friends in hyd.. i dont know.. they seem so busy all the time, too busy for a 5 min call in a year, I can count the number of phone calls I've received (apart ofcourse from family) ever since I came here, and no its not coz I've been talking to them online either. At times I just wished one of them would think of me and call, without any "work".. you know.. just call, like I do out of the blue, cos maybe I miss them? Its not like I'm perenially terribly disappointed in them, or I'm mad at them, I'm not even blaming them... its never been that important there, I'm sure they'd ensure I had a whale of a time if I went there now, but then again.. there'd be nothing until probably I went back. I'm sure they still consider me one of their own, I haven't changed all that much since I've gotten here, but I shouldn't hope for effort... I should just be content knowing they still like me, and knowing that I'd have never-ending tales to tell them when I get back home.

Thank you orkut... because of you, they cant escape lookin at my face for too long :)
C'mon guys... I can't get there anytime soon, but I sure miss u guys like hell.. and you too, my lost friend. I hope you're doin well...

Forgive my growing alliance with country music.. but there's this song by Rodney Atkins called "These are my people"..

A wonderful weekend..

It was something I had been looking forward to ever since I got to Nashville, making the trip back to Atlanta, which is so much more like home now.

Not my favourite means of transport, but also my only option, I rode the Greyhound again, breakin a promise of not doing it ever again :) But this time around, I was in for a cute lil surprise. It wasn't hard at all to decide which seat I wanted on the bus. With a few window seats left, some of which were next to ppl who occupied more than one and a half seat, some next to ppl who it seemed hadn't showered since the last time it rained... no, all this was bullshit.. the prying eyes of a 22yr old guy obviously had to fall on the seat next to a cute European-looking girl.

It took me 5 mins to realize she didnt speak English all that much. What followed were my best 2hrs in a long long time... It was so refreshing talking to a non-American girl, someone who knew the world beyond America.. we just had loads of harmless (though loud, at times) fun, something you'd never expect in a Greyhound bus. The girl was Lina.. an sales intern studying "politician" in Lithuania (I admit I had to ask her to show me where it was on the map). She did a heck of a job for someone who's been learning English for just under an year.


With high spirits, and no signs of the K-factor (lingo exclusive to tech isye junta), was all upbeat abt gettin homw to Atlanta.. met randeep, professor, chimpy, drama n bhavik.. loads of beer.. makkadman.. world politics... mega-screwing of Randeep and it was 3:30 in no time.

Saturday... after an unsuccessful house hunt, the usual chaddi chor bashing with anant n sheikh.. it was so awesome to see Arya... my partner in loneliness, also a villager (though I maintain Nashville is not a village). Had an unsuccesful bird-spotting at Cumberland while sheikh was emptying his pockets..

Then... we witnessed god himself. A R Rahman was unbelievable.. u'd think post-recording editing made songs sound that much better.. but when its happenin live before you... its just somethin else. Choicelessly, the non-tamilians amongst us also danced to the beats of the Sivaji songs.. though my high points from the concert had to be Secret of Sucess (Boys), Maa tujhe salaam, the Sivamani solo (un-freakin-believable), chaiyya chaiyya, Paathshaala... oh damn i'm gonna keep goin.. I think Saurabh was an idiot for missin it.. anant too... and anu... tu na... :)

So later, wantin to make most of our time together.. me, arya n drama decided to skip sleep... rum helped us see the "other side" of drama, added with tonnes of egotistical attitude :) Leaving a dwunk drama to coochy-coo, me n arya walked thru campus, at like 5 in the mornin (last done before eco finals)...

The return journey in the Greyhound was nowhere close to my east-european experience, but well, it got me here writing this absolutely pointless post... a "contemporary" post that I haven't done in ages.

It sucked not meetin nunu in Nashville... but koi nahi.. next time.. but I really had an awesome awesome time meetin the others.. ok I'm hungry, and sleepy. bye,hic.

When you painted your face..

So thinly painted, This mask you wear , It's coming off ...One inch at a time, It's peeling away, It's filling with holes, And you can't seem to understand why.............You close your eyes to cry, But tears can't bring you back to the way things were, Before you painted your face so thick with lies, And you seem so empty now....................With the hate you bore, with the love you needed to hide, you pacified those thoughts, Bottled them up tight, When you painted your face so thick with mud, and you seem so dirty now...........Your heart broke in to a million and one, The wrath and confusion, IT seems to have won, You never let it go, And you painted your face so your feeling couldn't show, And you seem so fragile now.....................So thinly painted.. This mask you wear it's coming off.. One inch at a time its peeling away, its filling with holes And you can't seem to understand Why .......!!!!

I'm so proud of you..

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder

You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger

May you never take one single breath for granted

God forbid love ever leave you empty handed

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean

Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens

Promise me that youll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance....i hope you dance.

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance

Never settle for the path of least resistance

Livin might mean takin chances but theyre worth takin

Lovin might be a mistake but its worth makin

Dont let some hell bent heart leave you bitter

When you come close to sellin out reconsider

Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance..

"I hope you dance" by Lee Ann Womack

The two sides...

I'm having an interesting time here in Nashville, the music-city of the States. Interesting, but tough too. I get to see a microcosm of the two sides of this country in this outskirt of a lil town. I work in a company thats as global as global can get... its an extremely busy atmosphere, filled with high profile people, who perpetually seem on calls to somewhere in Europe. The parking lot really tells a lot about the kind of occupants of the building.. its like an auto show in a little parking lot...

When I get back "home"... its like I walk into a totally different country. I'm the only person in this building without a tattoo on me, and who isn't smokin away like a chimney. Half the people here look like drug-addicts, wonder how they can afford it though..

Its amazing, i think sometimes, how this much economic disparity has creeped into such less geographical distance. On a smaller scale, there was Banjara Hills, close to those tiny gallis of Ameerpet, or even Sainikpuri, close to the non-descript Nirmal Nagar. Really... how did this happen??? How did so much disparity ever creep in???

Somewhere, somethin did go terribly wrong..

Tagged...

Offooooo divyaaaaaaaa

1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it:
Lower back. Indoor soccer when I was a kid, broke the showcase, two triangular pieces of glasses pierced the back (Grose??)

2. What is on the walls in your room?
This room??? Random paintings of venice or something..

3. What does your phone look like.
Nok 6682... the bestest phone in the world..

4. What music do you listen to?
It HAS to be country music in Nashville right?? Otherwise... not very heavy rock, the random genre, and hindi (including govinda's 'kurta phaadke')

5. What is your current desktop picture?
A picture of Atlanta's Kroor Singh building and nunu's fav building (taken from my cell ofcourse)

6. What do you want more than anything right now?
Visit swades... eat paani poori at the bandi... the mirchi bhajjis... mum's oily and ghee-ful food.. go to a beach with 'her'..

7. Do you believe in gay marriage?
I believe in Lesbian marriage though ;)

8. What time were you born?
3 30PM

9. Are your parents still together?
Obviously.

10. What are you listening to?
Myself singing makkadman :)

12. The last person to make you cry?
Akshay Kumar in Namaste London, seriously it depressed me like hell

13. What is your favourite perfume/cologne?
BLACK :)

14. What kind of hair/eye colour do you like on the opposite sex?
Blonde/green hehe... black-brown/brown

15. Do you like pain killers?
Never ever..

16. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
History doesn't suggest that :)

17. Fave pizza topping?
Oye yaar.. Papa John's ka garden pizza... with the pineapples

18. If you could eat anything right now, what would itbe?
Thepla, hyd biryani, paani poori, Tech's Honey-bun

19. Who was the last person you made mad?
Ummmmm, nunu?

20. Is anyone in love with you?
Half the world is..

Passing on the torture (tagging) to.... Arya, Drama, Nunu

LMAO!!!

Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain Rosi welcomingboth seated and standing passengers on board of Air Deccan.We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to badweather and partly due to the search for a missing tyre.
This is flight 717 to Mumbai. Landing there is not guaranteed, but wewill End up somewhere in India. And, if luck is in our favor, we mayeven be landing on your village!
Air Deccan has an excellent safety-record. In fact, our safety standardsare so high, that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us! It is withpleasure; I announce that, starting this year, over 30% of ourPassengers have reached their destination.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we canarrange to turn them off. To make your free fall to earth pleasant andmemorable, we serve Complimentary Chai and Wada pavw. For ournot-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help youfind out if there really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shownas we forgot to record it from the television. However, for our moviebuffs, we will be flying right next to Kingfisher Airline, where theirmovie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in theCabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slowdown!
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close aspossible. For the best view , if however, we go a little too close, dolet us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through thelandmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off andfasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can't find a seat-belt,kindly Fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And, for those ofyou who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with astewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suit

LMAO!!! Look what i found..

The alarms (Part 2)

I had written about mine and nimbo's struggle with the alarms a couple of posts ago. Well... some things have changed, some haven't..

Things that have not changed:
We still waste time in the nights... he watches Naruto, i'm hooked to YouTube.
We still have an early class/assignment due.
We still HATE waking up.

Things that have changed:
The "mosquito" alarm is now no longer used. We decided its no good for us sleeping giants anyways, so why lose those few seconds of sleep to it???
My alarm ringtone has changed from Rang de basanti to Dream on... was hoping for some early morning inspiration, duh, what was I even thinkin!!??
I no longer participate in the race to bang that Indian alarm... now its a nice routine.. i wake up.. yell at nimbo to wake up, he bangs it, and we go back to sleep.
Oh, he got a cell too.. he keeps it on snooze... the turns it off only the third time..

Alright... I should go sleep now... "gotta wake up early tomorrow".
heh heh heh.

An interesting reflection : Slow Down Culture ( a fwd)

It's been 18 years since I joined Volvo, a Swedish company. Working for them has proven to be an interesting experience. Any project here takes 2 years to be finalized, even if the idea is simple and brilliant. It's a rule.

Globalize processes have caused in us (all over the world) a general sense of searching for immediate results. Therefore, we have come to posses a need to see immediate results. This contrasts greatly with the slow movements of the Swedish. They, on the other hand, debate, debate, debate, hold x quantity of meetings and work with a slowdown scheme. At the end, this always yields better results.

Said in another words:
1. Sweden is about the size of San Pablo, a state in Brazil.
2. Sweden has 2 million inhabitants.
3. Stockholm, has 500,000 people.
4. Volvo, Escania, Ericsson, Electrolux, Nokia are some of its renowned companies.
Volvo supplies the NASA.

The first time I was in Sweden, one of my colleagues picked me up at the hotel every morning. It was September, bit cold and snowy. We would arrive early at the company and he would park far away from the entrance (2000 employees drive their car to work). The first day, I didn't say anything, either the second or third. One morning I asked, "Do you have a fixed parking space? I've noticed we park far from the entrance even when there are no other cars in the lot." To which he replied, "Since we're here early we'll have time to walk, and whoever gets in late will be late and need a place closer to the door. Don't you think? Imagine my face.

Nowadays, there's a movement in Europe name Slow Food. This movement establishes that people should eat and drink slowly, with enough time to taste their food, spend time with the family, friends, without rushing. Slow Food is against its counterpart: the spirit of Fast Food and what it stands for as a lifestyle. Slow Food is the basis for a bigger movement called Slow Europe, as mentioned by Business Week.

Basically, the movement questions the sense of "hurry" and "craziness" generated by globalization, fueled by the desire of "having in quantity" (life status) versus "having with quality", "life quality" or the "quality of being". French people, even though they work 35 hours per week, are more productive than Americans or British. Germans have established 28.8 hour workweeks and have seen their productivity been driven up by 20%. This slow attitude has brought forth the US's attention, pupils of the fast and the "do it now!".

This no-rush attitude doesn't represent doing less or having a lower productivity. It means working and doing things with greater quality, productivity, perfection, with attention to detail and less stress. It means reestablishing family values, friends, free and leisure time. Taking the "now", present and concrete, versus the "global", undefined and anonymous. It means taking humans' essential values, the simplicity of living.

It stands for a less coercive work environment, more happy, lighter and more productive where humans enjoy doing what they know best how to do. It's time to stop and think on how companies need to develop serious quality with no-rush that will increase productivity and the quality of products and services, without losing the essence of spirit.

In the movie, Scent of a Woman, there's a scene where Al Pacino asks a girl to dance and she replies, "I can't, my boyfriend will be here any minute now". To which Al responds, "A life is lived in an instant". Then they dance to a tango.

Many of us live our lives running behind time, but we only reach it when we die of a heart attack or in a car accident rushing to be on time. Others are so anxious of living the future that they forget to live the present, which is the only time that truly exists. We all have equal time throughout the world. No one has more or less. The difference lies in how each one of us does with our time. We need to live each moment. As John Lennon said, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans".